What is Attachment Disorder (Reactive Attachment Disorder – RAD)?
Information provided by Nancy Thomas Parenting — www.attachment.org
Attachment is defined as the affectional tie between two people. It begins with the bond between the infant and mother. This bond becomes internally representative of how the child will form relationships with the world. Bowlby stated "the initial relationship between self and others serves as blueprints for all future relationships." (Bowlby, 1975)
Attachment Disorder is defined as the condition in which individuals have difficulty forming lasting relationships. They often show nearly a complete lack of ability to be genuinely affectionate with others. They typically fail to develop a conscience and do not learn to trust. They do not allow people to be in control of them due to this trust issue. This damage is done by being abused or physically or emotionally separated from one primary caregiver during the first 3 years of life. "If a child is not attached-does not form a loving bond with the mother-he does not develop an attachment to the rest of mankind. The unattached child literally does not have a stake in humanity" (Magid & McKelvey 1988) They do not think and feel like a normal person. "At the core of the unattached is a deep-seated rage, far beyond normal anger. This rage is suppressed in their psyche.
Parent Resources
Information provided by Nancy Thomas Parenting — www.attachment.org
"There is no higher calling in life than raising the children God has entrusted in your care," says Dr. James Dobson. He is so right. The challenge of raising an emotionally disturbed child has its agonies and its ecstasies. We call it hugging the porcupine. Baby porcupines have to have touch and love and their mother must find a way to do it safely. Parenting these children is very different from parenting normal children. The star charts and smiley face charts have proven worse than useless. When people ask me what I do for a living, I often reply I work with abused parents! These children CAN heal! When we stand together, we can make a powerful difference! You are not alone. There are many of us finding ways to hug our porcupines to health. The parenting techniques I use have proven very successful with children with:
- Reactive Attachment Disorder
- Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) & ADHD*
- Oppositional Defiant Disorder
- Tourette Syndrome*
- Bipolar Disorder*
- Overindulgence
- Character Disturbance*
- PTSD
* in conjunction with appropriate medication
Recommended Reading
There are a lot of good books on bonding and dealing with children with Attachment Disorder. Here is a list of some of the books Nancy Thomas recommends on the subject:
Adopting the Hurt Child: Hope for Families with Special-Needs Kids : A Guide for Parents and Professionals
by Gregory C. Keck & Regina M. Kupecky
Building the Bonds of Attachment: Awakening Love in Deeply Troubled Children
by Daniel A. Hughes
Where do I find support?
Information provided by Nancy Thomas Parenting — www.attachment.org
Support is essential for success for parents of emotionally disturbed children. Having appropriate ways to vent relieves tension. When we relieve tension, we then have the energy to focus on the task at hand. We all have "an edge" that we can be pushed over. When we have no where to turn and no one to turn to because we've become isolated, we as parents are more likely to lose our temper and say things or do things we regret. The best way to deal with this is set up a support system. Let’s be proactive on this! It takes a special and devoted friend to still come around when there is a child with severe emotional disturbance in the home. Many do not understand what it’s like to live day in and day out being tortured emotionally by someone you love. How do you find people who understand?
